Cat humor

If you've had a cat I think you'll find this as funny as I did. I used to have a cat that would lay on my chest while I was trying to sleep and claw me while purring and drooling on my face.

Deep thoughts

Remember when I said that jogging is a great time to just be one with nature, and lots of times I end up in prayer and deep thought? Well, yesterday I was having some deep thoughts of another type that had nothing to do with praying. I was wondering about the origination of swear words. I mean, who ever thought of those words, and how did they become taboo? And why are they so tempting to use? Did some caveman slam his finger with his club one day and shout out some random four letter nonsense sound and think, "Hey, me like that sound. That sound make Grog feel good release." So then Grog started to say it whenever he was mad or got hurt. Then one day, some other caveman heard Grog say it and they tried it too, and realized it felt good but sounded really bad in front of the other more sophisticated cavemen, so it became taboo. From there it spread like wildfire. Is that how it happened? And should I get my head checked out because I'm actually spending time wondering about these things?

Little loverboy

Me: "How many girls did you kiss at school today, Dario?"

Dario Jr: "None. I'm saving all my love for you."

awwwwwww

Love my man

Okay, amidst all my whining the other day, I forgot to mention something good. After I got out of the shower and was freaking out at my son opening up the presents under the tree, Dario quietly got the gifts and took them upstairs and re-wrapped them. That was really nice that I didn't have to do it. But what was even sweeter, was that he used the same ribbon that I had used and tried to make it fancy. I originally had spent quite some time in the closet wrapping these presents and putting ribbon and bows on them to make them look really nice. My husband is not a fancy ribbon type of guy, but he knew that I had taken the extra time, so he tried to recreate it. Little things like this make my heart melt. It wasn't just like mine, but I like it even more because I know that he did it to make me feel better. Here's a sampling of his work:

Also, speaking of my husband, every once in a while mine gets the inkling to bake something. The other day he said, "We should make bread." I said, "We?" I'm not that into baking, and bread is something that I don't even want to attempt. So today he decided to make bread, but then he ran into a recipe for cinnamon roles, so he changed his mind. I don't know if you all will find this nearly as endearing as I do, but I think it's cute as all heck to see my man if the kitchen kneading dough and studying a recipe book. The end result- not so pretty. Or tasty. But, I give you an "A" for effort, babe.

I'm okay now, kind of

Okay, after reading over my post from yesterday, I think I way overreacted. I feel kind of like the Taco Bell lady from Janssen's blog. So, to those of you who read yesterday's post and thought, "What a psycho", I just want to let you know that I'm slightly more sane today. Just slightly though. I'm still kind of cranky for some reason. So if anyone tries to give me free cinnastix today, I'm not promising there won't be a scene.

Ask me how my day is going. I dare you.

Because this is going to be a heckuva long rant!

I woke up this morning to a 62 degree house, even though the thermostat was set to 68. Was the heater on? Yes. Was there any heat coming out? No. Did I JUST HAVE MY FURNACES CHECKED LESS THAN A MONTH AGO TO MAKE SURE THIS CRUD WOULDN'T HAPPEN?? YES! So I called Sears and they were nice enough to tell me that they could have someone come out tomorrow between 8-5, and most likely charge me $100 to see what was the matter, unless it was determined by the repair guy whether or not it was their fault. Boy, I'm sure the repair guy would just JUMP at the chance to admit mistakes to his company so he could give me free service. Also, wasn't the $160 I paid them a couple weeks ago supposed to be for figuring out if there were any problems? And isn't anything that is wrong right now basically their fault because that is THE WHOLE REASON I HAD THEM COME OUT TO BEGIN WITH!?!? So Dario decided to get up into the attic and see if there was just a switch flipped or something. When he got up there he found the furnace covers off, wires exposed and all. Fine job this service technician did. So he put the covers back on and hoped that would solve the problem because there was a safety switch that would be pushed when the covers went on. The heater did not come on. So now I was really fuming! My heater was working absolutely fine when I called to get the maintenance check. Now, after the technician comes out, it's not working, and he was obviously careless enough to leave the covers off, so who knows what else he messed up? I called back and asked for a refund of the $80. Okay, I didn't ask. I demanded. But of course they have to switch me to approx. 4 different departments before I get someone on the phone who can actually do something about my request. Right then, the heater kicks on. I don't know if it needed time to reset or what. But I was still ticked off and still wanted a refund because I think it's absolutely ridiculous that I've wasted a whole morning being frozen and talking to all their stupid reps and having to fix the stupid technician's mistake. So this is the lady's response, "No, we don't do refunds of maintenance fees." So I asked to speak to her manager. Then she goes, "ummmm, no, we don't have a manager". I say "You mean to tell me that you have no manager or supervisor on your department?" She says, "No, there's only six of us here." Nice. But she is helpful enough (and I say that in the most sarcastic way) to transfer me to another department. Then I get a bad connection. I talk to Monica for a minute and tell her I can barely hear her, then the line goes dead. So I proceed to start all over and call someone (the 6th person by now) and explain the ENTIRE situation for the 6th time, who proceeds to put me on hold for quite some time, and then when he comes back on he tells me, "I see that you've spoken to customer relations and they've already denied you a refund. Sorry." And folks, I didn't even put in all the details to this story, such as having to hear at least 3 times this morning "Thank you for holding. We are experiencing heavy call volume at this time..."

I am steamed. And yes, I have considered the possibility that I've overreacted to this whole thing because people make mistakes like leaving the cover off a furnace even though they may not be COMPLETELY incompetent. But right now, I'm just ticked, so let me be.


Frustration number 2. Can you guess? Yup, it's my 2 year old. Today he managed to find his sister's purse and scatter her birthday money in various parts of the house, pull out EVERY pair of his pajamas and scatter them all over his floor, and take out every toy he's ever owned, along with all the pieces of his "Go Fish" game, and throw them willy nilly throughout his bedroom, the hallway, and the stairs. Also, the icing on the cake. I went to take a shower and left my husband in charge. I don't blame him for this, by the way, I just had to add the husband part so you wouldn't think I left two 2-year-olds completely unattended. While I took a shower, these two pulled all the cushions off the couch, dumped my tray of pretty, don't-you-dare-touch-these candles onto the couch, and proceeded to unwrap the presents that were under the tree.


Frustration number 3. I belong to a freecycle group, which is a local online thing where people offer to give things for free to keep them out of the landfill, or just because they don't want/need them anymore. I offered a pair of brand-new, never used jeans the other day. They were too small and I'm never going to fit into them, and I'd had them too long to return them to the store. This lady wanted them and I put them in a bag and set them outside my door for her to pick up. Then I get this email saying that she drove all the way from Austin to pick them up and they weren't there. I checked outside and they were gone. They had to have been stolen right off my porch. I wrote her back and apologized profusely and told her they had been stolen. I even went out of my way to write to another woman who wanted them but had been turned down and make sure she didn't misunderstand me and pick them up. She didn't. So I wrote again to let this other lady know. Then today, a new member on freecycle who lives right in the near vicinity of me and is using the name "JaneDoe" posted the same size new with tags jeans. This is either a huge coincidence or she is the one that took them. So this other lady sees this message obviously, and assumes this is me posting under another name, and messing with people. She writes me a nasty email accusing me of pulling immature pranks. Also, she writes that I didn't even have the decency to email her back. So she obviously got none of my previous emails and thinks I'm a total scammer. Probably my emails went to her junk folder or something. People know each other a little bit on this list, so I'm now wondering how many people she warned about me.

And now, my kids are home from school, and the fighting has commenced.

And I can't even eat chocolate to soothe myself, because if I gain any more weight I'm going to have to buy a whole new wardrobe, as I know have to suck in to get into my fat pants.

So I am on the verge people. Don't you dare say anything mean to me today or I will punch you in the face.

Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus

Last night we attended our church's Christmas party, and at the end, Santa Claus made an appearance. My kids had different reactions to that.

Gabriella knows all about Santa not being real, which we didn't even have to explain to her actually. A couple years ago she just figured it out herself. When I said something about Santa coming soon, she said, "Mom, Santa's not real." When I asked her why she thought that, her response was, "Mom, come on, a man with flying reindeer who goes around the whole world in one night? Sorry, but that just can't happen." So she basically spared me having to eventually tell her on my own, which I was glad for. Anyway, back on topic- in her eyes she's way too old and cool to sit on Santa's lap, but not too cool for a candy cane, so she skipped the whole line and went straight to the lady with the basket of candy.

Dario Jr. still believes in Santa, but he's old enough to realize that the Santas that he sees in public all look different. We've gotten around that by telling him that those are all the real Santa's helpers. Santa needs helpers because he's so busy at the North Pole right now trying to get ready for Christmas, that he just doesn't have time to come and see everyone right now, so his helpers see the kids and then they report back to Santa. He wasn't too excited to sit on the fake Santa's lap, but he really wanted a candy cane, so he did it anyway. As we were standing in line though, he said, "I'm gonna pull down his beard and then jump off and grab a candy cane." Such a darling, ain't he?

Then there was Roman. Oh this was the fun part. Last year he didn't really get the concept of Santa. This year, he knows exactly what's going on, which is that this nice fat bearded guy is here for the sole purpose of giving him candy. (He doesn't get that Santa brings toys yet, he's only concerned with the candy.) He was so excited while we were standing in line. Actually, I had to pull him back from Santa to get him in line in the first place, because he marched straight up and stood in front of Santa trying to get his attention while another little girl was in his lap. As we stood in line he was talking so fast he could hardly keep up with himself. What he said went something like this, "Is that Santa?!Does he have candy?!Is he gonna gimme candy?!He's gonna gimme candy!Where the North Pole?!He lives in the North Pole!Why the North Pole?!Where he lives?!He says 'Ho Ho Ho'!I got a cookie!I'm gonna show him my cookie!Are he's gone be 'ho' in?!" (As in "ho ho ho" ing). It was so fun to see him excited, but then I actually missed seeing him talk to Santa, because it seems that while I was engaged in conversation with some ladies behind us in line, he snuck back up to the front and inserted himself onto Santa's lap. When I noticed he was gone and turned to look for him, I saw him coming back from Santa's direction with a smile on his face and a candy cane in hand. I didn't see the exchange, but I imagine it went something like this:

Roman barges to front of line and hops onto Santa's lap.

Santa: "Uh, hello little boy. What's your name?" (and why are you
unattended?!)

Roman: "Roman. Are you gonna gimme some of that candy?" points to
basket of candy canes

Santa: "Oh, hi Roman. Have you been a good boy this year?"

Roman: "Yes. Are you gonna gimme me candy?"

Santa: "Well, just a minute here. What do you want for Christmas this year,
Roman?"

Roman: "Candy." (points again) "Right there. That
candy."

Santa gives up and hands the kid a candy cane. Roman walks back to
me, pleased as punch with how his visit with Santa went.

Oh the joy of Christmas!

Hooray!

My retainer has been found! And by the little thief that stole it, no less! He got in trouble for something else this morning and I sent him to his room. A few minutes later he came running out saying "I found your 'tainer!" Apparently he thought this would put him in my good graces. He was right. Not only did he get to come out of his room, but I promptly gave him the candy cane that he'd been begging me for all morning.

So I no longer have to worry about my teeth reverting to their former state of vampire-ly resemblance, and all is right with the world.

Where do thieves stash their loot?

If you were two years old, where would you stash your mother's retainer? He says he swallowed it but I don't buy it. I think he's just trying to throw me off the trail....



PS. I already checked under the couch cushions where he hid the stolen baby Jesus last week.

Not appropriate

Okay Mormon readers. This is inappropriate humor right here, so stop reading now! For all the rest of you (yes, I know you are ALL still reading, but if you don't comment no one will know!)

Tonight we went to a Chinese restaurant to eat. While we were waiting for our food we were reading the little paper placemats at our seats. It was all about what animal you were on the zodiac chart according to what year you were born. So we were going around and I said, "Oh, I'm a snake." Then Gabby read hers and everyone else's. "Daddy and Dario, you're both a horse. I'm a dragon." Then she found Roman's birth year under the picture of the rooster. "Hey Roman, you're a cock." Apparently that wasn't the animal Roman wanted to be because he screamed out in his loudest voice in the middle of the restaurant, "I am NOT a COCK!" Lovely.

Innocence lost

I took my kids outside today to ride their bikes. They absolutely love to be outside riding their bikes or scooters and talking to the neighborhood kids, and I love that it's good exercise for them and that they get to socialize a little. But they don't get to do these activities nearly as often as they would like, simply because I can't spend hours outside watching their every move. I can't count the number of times my daughter has asked if they could please go play in the FRONT yard this time, and I've had to say "no" because I needed to work on things inside the house and couldn't watch them. I really feel as if they have been cheated out of what should be a really wonderful part of childhood because our society has deteriorated so much that parents have to be fearful to let their children out of their sights for even a moment. When I was little, we would ask our mother if we could go out and play, and the answer would be, "Yes, be home by such and such a time," and we'd run off into the neighborhood to find our friends and play for hours. We rode bikes, jumped rope, built forts, made snowmen, rollerskated, you name it. When we went to the store, us kids could run off and play in the toy aisle while our mom shopped. We had some freedom and felt safe. I'm so sad that my own kids can't do that. I can't let them out in the neighborhood without worrying that they'll be grabbed by a kidnapper in a passing car. I can't even let them go a couple aisles over in Target for fear that some sicko might be staking out that section just waiting to expose himself to my kids. And we wonder why our children want to sit in front of the TV for hours and are getting fat. They're bored out of their minds being trapped in the house all day! I hate that we live in such a scary world now. If only we could go back in time....

Gabriella is 9!

Gabriella's birthday was yesterday. She's now 9 years old. I love her at this age. Not that I didn't love her at all the other ages too, but I like the stage she's in. She's still young enough that her rebellions and misbehaviors are fairly easily dealt with. She's old enough that we can carry on a conversation about life. She's old enough to get subtle humor, and she makes some great jokes of her own that I actually find funny, not ones I have to fake laugh at to be nice. And the best part is, she loves spending time with me. I know the day is not far off that she will choose her friends over me, so I'm trying to enjoy this stage as much as possible. I'm really glad to have such a sweet, beautiful, intelligent daughter.

Here are some pics from her birthday party/sleepover. Her party was a Hollywood theme. We set up a red carpet and did interviews with them. The girls were more into being singers than movie stars. They lip synched in an area I had set up for them, and Dario actually made music videos of them. Then Gabby had a couple friends sleep over and in the morning Dario made Gabby some heart-shaped pancakes. He did it last year and she made a special request this time, so I think this will be a tradition.

Frugal son in the making

Roman loves to go shopping with me, and it seems he's learning a thing or two while we're doing it. Tonight I was in his room with him and we were playing with his cash register. I handed him a little toy and asked him "How much does this cost?" He scanned it with his hand scanner and told me "Too much!" I've taught him well.