Sunday, August 31, 2008

What happens in Vegas...

Oh Baby. When I went to Las Vegas to see my little sister Brandy get married, who'd a thunk I'd have my very own celebrity wedding? Here's how it all went down....
My sisters and I were doing a little sexy picture posing in one of the hotels on the strip. Well, as we were taking photographs, a casting director for The Blue Man Group walked by.

He told us he had been searching for some hot sexy ladies such as ourselves to perform at the next show. It was a smashing performance. We brought the house down.

And as it turns out, Governor Schwarzenegger was in the audience that night. (He was relaxing a little before the Republican National Convention.) He was so impressed by my performance that he came backstage after the show and invited me to a party that night.

The party was filled with celebrities. I met Cameron Diaz, and it turns out we have a lot in common. (I mean, besides the fact that we're practically twins.) We swore to be best friends forever. She gave me half of her heart shaped BFF necklace, and we cut our fingers and rubbed them together so we could be blood sisters. Our bond will last forever, I'm sure.

All night at the party, Johnny Depp was totally coming on to me. Frankly, it was starting to get annoying, because he's hot and all, but I was getting tired of him telling me how great France was and asking me to run away with him to Paris. Finally, I gave him a peck on the cheek and told him it just wasn't going to work out for us. (That's why he looks so upset.) Later on that night, Brad and Angelina stopped by. I have to admit, I've had the hots for Brad for a really long time, so I took advantage of finally seeing him in person.

I mean it. I really did take advantage of finally seeing him in person...

He was totally enamored of me after that though. He likes aggressive women. (Hello? That's why he's shackin' up with Lara Croft!) Angelina only stayed at the party for a few minutes because she had an appointment to give a speech at the United Nations later. When she left, Brad found me at a VIP table and professed his undying love. He said that the way I nearly licked him when he walked into the room just set his heart soaring. He went on to tell me about all the arguments he and Angelina have been having over their interior decorating issues, and begging me to hop on his jet and fly away with him. Anywhere, just as long as he could be with me. I have to say, I seriously considered it, but after some soul searching I decided that I didn't want to be the one to come between Angie and Brad. I mean, come on! Think of the twins! So, our romance was not to be.

I was heartbroken for at least a half hour. But then I really did meet my true love. He and I locked eyes across the room and we didn't have to speak a word. We just knew. And we decided to get married.

That's when things started to get a little crazy. Al Roker came and interviewed me right away. You may have already seen the segment on "The Today Show".

The ceremony that night at the "Always and Forever Wedding Chapel" was beautiful, and so romantic. The inscription on my ring said, "I love you Sheyenne, always and forever. George."

After the ceremony we had an amazing reception. And I was surprised, although I shouldn't have been, that even as hasty as the wedding was, the paparazzi still managed to find us.

I was thrilled that Michael found time to come by and congratulate us. He even showed me some dance moves. (I'm still learning, okay?!?)

Our cake was scrumptious. George let me pick it out. And of course I chose chocolate everything!

The rest of the food was also divine. It was catered on such short notice by a celebrity chef friend of George's. The creme brulee was to die for.

The highlight of the evening was when Stevie Wonder serenaded us as we had our first dance. Later on, he invited me up to sing with him. It was awesome. And apparently he thought so too because he's invited me to do a duet with him on his next album. It'll be coming out sometime next summer. After a quick charity golf tournament the next day with Tiger Woods and some other golf guy, (George had already been signed up for a long time, and I wanted to support him), we jetted off to a private island. It's only me in this picture, because it was a private island, and George had to hold the camera. It was such a wonderful, unforgettable trip.

When we got back from our honeymoon, Oprah called. She wanted to be the first to interview me on my whirlwind romance with one of Hollywood's most sought after bachelors. That's how she said it, anyway. The show will be coming on soon. You can watch for it if you like. You'll probably miss it though, because you're so busy.

Unfortunately, though, since we've been back from the honeymoon, things have been pretty rocky. The paparazzi camped outside my house has been crazy, and I really think I'm more of a private person. I don't think I'm cut out for celebrity marriage after all. (Plus, I haven't told Dario yet, and the nerves about that are killing me.) So I've made a decision. I'm filing annulment papers tomorrow. I ask that you respect our privacy during this difficult time. Thank you.


Ralphie said...

Best post of the day award!

Jules said...

You better at least get me an autograph before the annulment papers go through (are you sure about this?...)!!!

hahaha- seriously, you are hilarious.

great post.

fabulous pictures!

I'm so glad you had such an awesome trip!!

Earl and Vickie said...

Yeah, I like Madam Tussauds Wax Museum too.

Janssen said...

I'm hoping you didn't get a prenup, so you can take at least half of George's money.

Stephanie T said...

You are way too funny! I'm so naive it took me until the 4th picture to get it. The one of Arnold put a little doubt in my mind because he looked like a missionary.

Jules said...

I didn't tell you that I get to be in Vegas next week too! But I doubt I'll have such a whirlwind romance with a hot movie star since Jim will be tagging along ;) Hopefully, I'll still have some fun!

Tammy Townsend said...

SERIOUSLY you are so so so FUNNY!!
You have so brightend my day. Thanks I really needed that. Don't worry I won't tell the Papprazie where you are.

Lisa said...

hahaha that cracked me up. And I'm sure that my invite to the wedding was just lost in the mail?

Kami said...

I was blog surfin' when I came across this post. Hope you don't mind me commenting but this was too funny! Now I want to go there and see the waxy guys. Some of them DO look real. By the way your family is adorable.